No one plans to hurt the love of their life.
No one plans to violate their vows.
No one plans to be a bad husband.
They just don’t plan not to.
It’s a new year, and with new years come opportunities for change. My question for you is, do you want to be a great or an awful husband this year? The choice is yours for 2014.
Use Your Wife To Get What You Want
One of the best ways to sabotage your own marriage is to forget that your role is love and serve your wife. Happy marriages feature both a husband and a wife who are doing their absolute best to make the OTHER PERSON as happy as is possible. So, if you want to be a bad spouse, try and manipulate the other person to serve you.
Or…if you want a happy marriage…
Love Your Wife Sacrificially!
True love is a daily choice to sacrifice my comfort for your comfort. It’s a daily choice to put the other person first. Our example of love is Christ’s love for mankind. He stepped out of Heaven into one of the less pleasant times in human history. He lived a humble life, and died a humiliating death. Why? To restore His relationship with mankind. We owed a debt, and He paid the price. He sacrificed.
Disrespect Your Wife and Never be Considerate of Her Feelings
So, when it comes to making decisions, I often forget to factor in where my wife is coming from, and the world where she exists. Sometimes it’s not just lack of consideration, but downright disrespect. If I want to resolve things, I have to stop myself, step back, and reconsider where she’s coming from.
One of the best ways to escalate a fight is to never factor in your spouse’s feelings and show obvious contempt for where they’re coming from. Disrespecting someone’s feelings is a great way to cause strife between the two of you.
Be Considerate and Respectful of Your Wife
1 Peter 3
adjective From Webster.com
- Why don’t we think about our wives’ feelings when a disagreement comes up?
- Why don’t we find a way to show kindness daily?
- Why don’t we think about the small things in life that they care about?
Turn Every Small Disagreement Into a Dragged Out Fight
There are many different ways to respond when things don’t go the way you would like them to go. For example, if the shoes aren’t put away, you can quickly clean them up yourself, or you can lose your temper. If you’re looking for additional disharmony, losing your temper is a great to build tension. If your goal is to be a bad husband, it’s absolutely essential that you treat small frustrations with the same emotion that you treat big failures. Everything gets so much worse when you totally blow things way out of proportion.
Avoid Unnecessary Fights & Disagreements
but every fool is quick to quarrel.
Treat Your Wife Like a Roommate
A great way to ruin your marriage is to stop enjoying each other’s company and start treating each other like roommates. Instead of continuing to date one another, start just living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and living separate lives. Whenever you do go on dates, spend the entire time talking about money, scheduling, your job, and your kids. Don’t spend time just having fun and hanging out.
Enjoy Your Wife
Ignore All Your Wife Does and Never Say “Thank You”
Our culture has totally unrealistic expectations for women. They must look perfect, keep up the house, raise the kids, serve in the church, and make money. Most women are crazy busy trying to juggle far too many roles. If you want your wife to feel extremely unimportant, never acknowledge all that she’s doing or thank her for her work. When you don’t acknowledge what she does, she feels unnoticed. When you never say “Thank you,” she doesn’t feel like you appreciate her. This is a great recipe for a damaged marriage.
Or…if you want a happy marriage…
Honor and Thank Your Wife For All She Does
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Whether in the workforce or as a stay-at-home-mom, so much of what wives do goes unnoticed and is under-appreciated. We live in a culture which devalues raising a family and work around the house, and which praises making money.
I would give you a list of all the things around our house that I’m not sure that I know how to do, but it would be little bit too embarrassing. While technically there is currently only one child in our household, when it comes to certain chores, it’s a bit more like there’s two (to be fair, I do have my own category of things which only I know how to do).
Make her feel appreciated! This isn’t rocket science. People who feel unappreciated don’t tend to feel good about themselves nor are they highly motivated. Make your wife feel appreciated!
Serve your wife.
Praise your wife.
Compliment your wife.
If you you’d like more to read on how to have a great marriage check out Mark and Grace Driscoll’s book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together.
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