A World of Tolerance
Sometimes the Basics are Best!
I’m a child of the 80’s.
I grew up watching The Karate Kid, and to this day, I still watch THE ENTIRE TRILOGY at least once per year. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last 31 years, The Karate Kid is the story of a boy, Daniel, who finds himself being bullied at school. Eventually the local fix man, Mr Miyagi, decides to train him in karate, and eventually becomes a father figure to the boy.
The film is famous (or infamous) for Mr. Miyagi’s unusual training methods. In a series of scenes Mr. Miyagi has Daniel paint his fence, sand his deck, and wax his cars. Eventually it is revealed that Mr. Miyagi had him perform these tasks to train him on specific hand motions which are the fundamentals of karate. The vast majority of their time was spent exclusively on these basic motions and skills.
In the climax of the film, Daniel faces his bullies in a karate tournament. There he takes on many multiple
opponents who are better athletes and more advanced martial artists than him. In the end Daniel is victorious by sticking to the basics he mastered instead of attempting a series of flashy moves.
When it comes to love and marriage, I think that too often we’re looking for flashy tricks or quick fixes instead of going back to the basics.
The fundamentals of love are spelled out pretty clearly in a passage which many of us had read at our weddings.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I’m going to say this very simply. TRUST IS EARNED!
People shouldn’t default to trusting you just because you say you’re trustworthy. Maybe it’s cynical to point all of this out, but we live in a world where trust is broken.
- We’re lied to repeatedly by the people around us.
- We’re lied to by the media.
- We’re lied to by salesmen who swindle us out of our money to sell us junk.
- We lie to ourselves.
It’s not cynical to suggest that we should be suspicious in this deceit filled world. As much as I believe you should be skeptical of the world around you, there’s one person you shouldn’t be skeptical of…your spouse!
You should be able to trust your spouse is faithful to you. If you can’t, you must put new guardrails and boundaries in place to resolve that tension. When I say you should be able to trust your spouse, that is a two way street.
They should be trustworthy, and you should be trusting. If either of you fail to fulfill your part in trust, then things will be very difficult.
Here are five things you must not do if you want to be TRUST WORTHY for your spouse.
To be clear, most of these by themselves aren’t that suspicious, but when combined, it paints a picture of infidelity.
Can we be honest? Some people give terrible advice! Unfortunately, all of us are guilty of passing along some terrible advice in the form of cliches.
Several months back, I wrote an article called, Three TERRIBLE Pieces of Advice People Keep Sharing! …and better advice you should actually listen to. When I started writing that post, I actually had five different pieces of bad advice; the post simply became too long.
So think of this post as an extension of that post. Here was the introduction to that post:
Most cliche advice falls into one of three categories:
- It’s a cliche because it’s true! (i.e. “Always consider the source!”)
- It’s a cliche because it tells us what we want to hear! (i.e. “Follow your dreams!”)
- It’s a cliche because it’s catchy! (i.e. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”)
The problem is that far too few people stop and consider the advice they’re offering or receiving. One of the reasons we offer bad cliche advice is that we know how we’ve applied certain advice, and things worked out well for us. However, what we don’t know is how other people are going to personalize or apply that same advice. While certain words may have encouraged wise action on your part, it may lead others to utter foolishness.”
Here are two more cliches which are TERRIBLE advice to give someone:
50% of marriages end in divorce, and just because you stay married doesn’t mean you’re happily married. No one sets out to have a bad marriage. They simply ignore the warning signs along the way.
Here are six warning signs that your marriage is in trouble!