Winning Your Wife Back
If you’re married, at some point in time you won the heart of your spouse. I don’t know your exact story, but at some point in time, you saw your spouse and decided to pursue them and, as you pursued them, you decided that they were worth fighting for. Eventually you came to a moment when you decided to spend the rest of your life with this person.
It’s one thing to commit to love someone for the rest of your life, but it’s an entirely different thing to actually spend the rest of your life daily choosing to love them.
A big problem happens as soon as you get back from the honeymoon; you’re living together and sharing a room. When you take one sinner and join them with another sinner, you get more sin. And, with the sheer amount of time you’ll be together, you will sin against one another.
Sinner + Sinner = More Sin
Assuming everything goes great, and there’s no outside drama, you’re still both sinners. However, we live in the real world, there will be outside drama, tragedy, and stress.
Some stress comes from good things:
- Starting a new job
- Buying a house
- Having Children
But other stress comes from bad things:
- Losing a job
- Being robbed
- Car accidents
- Struggles with having children
As time passes, between our own sinful nature and the stresses of life, we can get so far off track from the vows we made on our wedding day. Our past good behavior can seem absolutely foreign to our current reactionary patterns of life. But, a successful marriage requires continually choosing to win your wife back; It requires daily choosing to love your spouse.
How do you keep winning with your wife after years of marriage?
I’m writing as a husband, but really these ideas work for winning a wife or a husband back. “Winning your wife” just sounds better. More importantly, I’m writing this essentially to give myself homework and public accountability.
Marriage has a way of drawing out all kinds of emotions. Sometimes marriage is tons of fun, but other times it can be unbelievably stressful.
The reality is that some stress is totally unavoidable, but other stressors are completely avoidable. Usually we find ourselves living stressfully simply because we aren’t living intentionally. When we take control of the parts of our lives which we can control, suddenly we experience less stress.
When we gain control of our daily lives, we’re better prepared for bumps that life brings.
Six Ways to Remove Stress in Marriage
1. a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program.
We all have routines. We all have patterns.
- What do you do when you wake up in the morning?
- What do you do when you leave for work? What do you do when your spouse leaves for work?
We all have fixed routines we just follow every day. We never intentionally set this course of action. We never planned to repeat it, but we all find ourselves repeating patterns with little thought put into it.
Routines are neither good nor bad, but they can be both good or bad. That’s why it’s so important that each one of us are intentional about the routines in our lives.
Most daily routines are fairly harmless or helpful on any given day. A goodbye kiss on any one day doesn’t have a radical effect on your marriage. However, a year’s worth of remembering or forgetting your goodbye kiss does have an affect. A year’s worth of coming home excited to see your kids changes your relationship with your kids. But, a year’s worth of coming home and going straight to the study also has an effect on your kids.
Life has a way of getting incredibly busy. The busier we get, the more things seem urgent.
But as we’re all aware, just because something is urgent doesn’t mean something is important. Likewise, not everything that is important is urgent. The older we get, the greater the stakes when we prioritize the urgent over the important.
This becomes painfully obvious when it comes to marriage.
Your marriage is the single most important relationship in your life. Your spouse is the person that you committed yourself to before your friends, family, and God. Somehow the people closest to us are the ones we take for granted. We know they will always be there. Therefore, the urgency to pour into the relationship can fade…
- …as careers advance
- …as children enter the picture
- …as children start joining extracurricular activities.
With so many urgent things calling for your attention, you can find yourselves forgetting to invest in your most important relationship.
Here are three questions to make sure you’re marriage isn’t in trouble.
Sometimes the Basics are Best!
I’m a child of the 80’s.
I grew up watching The Karate Kid, and to this day, I still watch THE ENTIRE TRILOGY at least once per year. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last 31 years, The Karate Kid is the story of a boy, Daniel, who finds himself being bullied at school. Eventually the local fix man, Mr Miyagi, decides to train him in karate, and eventually becomes a father figure to the boy.
The film is famous (or infamous) for Mr. Miyagi’s unusual training methods. In a series of scenes Mr. Miyagi has Daniel paint his fence, sand his deck, and wax his cars. Eventually it is revealed that Mr. Miyagi had him perform these tasks to train him on specific hand motions which are the fundamentals of karate. The vast majority of their time was spent exclusively on these basic motions and skills.
In the climax of the film, Daniel faces his bullies in a karate tournament. There he takes on many multiple
opponents who are better athletes and more advanced martial artists than him. In the end Daniel is victorious by sticking to the basics he mastered instead of attempting a series of flashy moves.
When it comes to love and marriage, I think that too often we’re looking for flashy tricks or quick fixes instead of going back to the basics.
The fundamentals of love are spelled out pretty clearly in a passage which many of us had read at our weddings.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.